My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
