So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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