Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize