my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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