The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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