The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
