Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
