I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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