I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i think i just lost a toe
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
