we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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