so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
