pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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