allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
