You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
