I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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