i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
