If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
