I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
