Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
