the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize