Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wear drunk well.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
