i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
