Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Buhtt sex?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
