Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
