The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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