Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize