1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
