Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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