I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
