SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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