I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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