period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
