no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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