Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
