It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
