just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
