yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
