Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
