This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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