Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
