I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
