i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What drink are we having for lunch?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
