I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
