All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize