You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
