PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want her autograph on my taint
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
