You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
