I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize