I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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