Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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