I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
