i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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