Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
