he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
