I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
