you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
