Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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