we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
