we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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