I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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