a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
