yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
