I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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