so explain again why im purple
no
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
