What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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