he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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