Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
